Really Hope This Is Your Shirt
by Writer With Sprite
Summary: Summary: Alex had been determined to die, but Wolf had been determined to keep him alive. Too bad Alex's will was stronger. WARNING: CHARACTER DEATH. Oneshot. Now with an alternative ending.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: If you are considering suicide, please call for help, or ask a loved one. Suicide should not be an option... You are valued. Here's a hotline number:

1-800-273-8255.

Please be advised this story mentions suicide.

## break ##

Summary: Alex had been determined to die, but Wolf had been determined to keep him alive. Too bad Alex's will was stronger. WARNING: CHARACTER DEATH. Oneshot.

## break ##

He'd tried to protect the kid.

It wasn't like it should have been difficult, either. It should have been simple. After all, it wasn't like he was protecting the kid from Scorpia, he wasn't protecting the kid from some terrorist organization.

No, he had to protect him from something far worse. He'd had to protect him from himself.

It felt like every day was a battle. Wolf, exhausted, had at one point considered putting Alex in an institution. It wasn't because he wanted to get rid of Alex, but because he felt like Alex needed more care than he could provide.

The heads at MI6 had denied him flatly. "We can't trust the care of him to an institution. Do you know how easy it would be for someone to break in there?"

So Wolf had started caring for Alex. It was lucky that the K-Unit could care for him in shifts; they'd each stepped up to help the kid. The kid really needed eyes-on supervision some days. He wasn't afraid to hurt himself.

Wolf had woken up more than once to find long cuts on Alex's arms.

The kid was determined to die, and it was no secret that when Alex was determined to do something, he usually got his way.

Eagle said Alex had been through too much and seen too much; that his guardian's death had been the last straw. He felt like his guardian's death was his fault. Eagle had some experience in psychology – that had been his major at uni – and he'd tried to talk to the kid, but the kid wouldn't come out of his shell. They'd tried to track down Tom Harris, all to find out that the kid had been dead, killed in a drive by shooting.

Alex had never asked and they'd never told him. From the time of the shooting, Eagle thought that he probably knew already.

Wolf sighed as he stretched and got out of bed. He didn't want to go today. He really didn't want to go today. Sure, all of the other K-Unit wanted to go. He understood that. It was perfectly okay for them to go, they weren't the legal guardian of the boy who had committed suicide.

_He _was.

There had been several suicide attempts by Alex while he was in the home at Wolf. Once when he'd swallowed an entire bottle of pills. Eagle had been there, performed CPR and called 999.

The next suicide attempt had been when Snake was watching him. Snake had been watching him and left to use the bathroom. Alex had swallowed a piece of glass that had led Snake rushing him to the hospital.

After that, all of K-Unit had searched their bags and pulled out anything Alex could use to injure himself and had locked it all up in a room. They'd even made the lock key-card access only, so that he couldn't get to it.

Wolf sighed as he had a major flashback. Damn. Maybe he should hand over the keys to the car and let Eagle drive…

Speaking of Eagle… "You almost done? We need to leave soon!"

_Flashback_

"_Dammit, Cub, what the hell!" Wolf roared as he raced to the living room. "Alex, put the gun down!" _

"_I can't." With those two words, Wolf was ever closer – but he was still too late._

_The bullet had already lodged itself in Alex's brain. Alex had never given Wolf a chance._

"I tried." Eagle found Wolf on the floor, staring at his picture of Cub; a memory caught in one of the rare times he'd been smiling. "He didn't let me help him."

"He didn't want to let you save him, Wolf." Eagle sank down to the floor. He looked and felt uncomfortable in his suit. "He wanted to die."

"That doesn't make me feel better."

"It's not supposed too." Eagle sighed. "It's not your fault, Wolf… he didn't want your hand; he wanted his own help in ending his own life."

"I guess." Wolf sighed as he made towards his dress shirt. He frowned, not having remembered putting it there. He slid his fingers under the tag, removing the note that had been stapled to the dress shirt tag.

_Wolf:_

_Wow… Really hope this is your shirt. _

_I'm guessing that you're only wearing this because it's my funeral. I mean, let's face it, you don't even dress up for mass, and even Eagle does that. _

_If you're finding this note, and I've died, I wanted to say thanks. I know you tried your best. Please don't blame yourself. _

_After all… if you're reading this note… _

_I'm experiencing the first peace I've experienced in a long time._

"He left me one, too," Eagle said. "Stapled to one of the dress shirts I almost never wear."

"Damn creative kid," Wolf growled as he shrugged on the dress shirt.

"Yeah, he was." Eagle sighed as he watched his partner shrug on his coat. "Ready?"

"No, but let's go anyway."

Together, they left the house, leaving the memories, both good and bad, behind.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: An alternative ending to satisfy someone's need that I bribed. xD

* * *

><p>"I'm not ready to do this," Wolf said as he anxiously paced the house. Eagle, for once, was the only one sitting still. Wolf was waiting for a phone call from Snake from the hospital, the one that would confirm whether or not Alex Rider was alive or dead.<p>

After Alex's fifth suicide attempt, all of the K-Unit members had been allowed to be Alex's medical proxy for the time of an emergency. It was one of the rare times that Cub had smiled.

"_So it's like you're all my guardians__,__" __he__'__d_ said with a sleepy smile.

Then he had gone and closed himself in his room for a few hours, falling asleep.

Wolf wasn't surprised by Alex's suicide attempts, although he was surprised by the increasing number that there had been lately. He knew why the kid wanted to die. He didn't necessarily blame him; after all, he'd been through hell and back and was bearing the weight of Jack's death. Eagle thought that he also probably thought that Tom's death was your fault.

"You can't blame yourself for this, Wolf," Eagle said as he stood up.

"I didn't say I blamed myself." Wolf sank back into the chair and glared at the picture of Cub that sat across from him on the table.

"You didn't have too," Eagle replied, "you've got it written all over your face."

"I thought I was going to die when he pointed that gun at his head, you know that?" Wolf said as he glanced at Eagle. Eagle sank back down to his seat. "I thought that I was going to die. I mean, I don't understand that. I've seen shit-scarier things, so why did I think I was going to die _then_? I wasn't even in any danger."

Eagle didn't respond.

"I mean… I've seen someone hold a gun to your head before, Eagle. Remember that? He just kinda pointed the gun to your head and demanded that we followed him. I thought I'd have died then. Actually," Wolf said, voicing his fears out loud for the first time, "I thought we were all going to die then."

"Do you think that Alex pointing the gun to his head triggered your memories?" Eagle asked quietly as he sat his soda down on the table. It was a common joke among the K-Unit about Eagle being the psychologist of the group. The joke often went something about how Eagle could be happy because he could fix everyone's problems.

The truth was, though, he was damn good at his job as a therapist. He worked well and listened well, and spent most of his time apart from his job being joyful.

Or pranking Wolf… and trying to get Alex to smile.

"I don't know that, Eagle. You're the psychologist, not me," Wolf snapped. He took a deep breath and looked down at the ground. "I think it brought all my fears to light. I've had this fear ever since taking custody of Alex that MI6 is going to shoot me if I let him die. I know that's an irrational fear, but…" his voice trailed off.

"Wolf," Eagle said, "That's hardly an unjustified fear. Okay, sure, the part about MI6 is a little extreme, but Alex has made several suicide attempts within the last seventeen weeks. I'd be paranoid, too. I mean, that's why we all moved in one apartment, isn't it?"

"I guess." Wolf still looked unconvinced as he stood up. "I'm just not ready to go yet because I'm wondering if it's me."

"What do you mean?" Eagle questioned.

"I'm wondering if I'm a trigger for Alex."

Eagle shook his head. "Wolf, I'm sure there are hidden triggers for Alex we don't know about. I've been working with him ever since he's been here, you know that. Actually, you know MI6 made that my full-time job."

"I heard you got a lot of choice in the matter, too," Wolf said with a roll of his eyes. He had heard that, and he'd asked, _well__ hell,__why __don__'__t__ you__ just__ give __Eagle __the __damn __custody __of __Alex_?

He hadn't been in the best mood then.

"It hardly matters." Eagle stretched back in his chair. "Alex has been through Hell and back, and I'm not talking about Breacon Beacons. That's liveable hell. He's been through the Hell no kid should have to go through, and he's told me some things I don't think I ever want anyone else to know."

"You know you have to break confidentiality if he says he's going to hurt himself," Wolf said, glancing at Eagle.

"Of course." Eagle rolled his eyes. "Anyway, look; let's just remember that Cub's alive, and move on from there. There's nothing else we can do right now until we see about how he is."

Wolf nodded and stretched as he got up. "Fox should call us from the hospital soon. What say we go over there and visit?"

"Yeah, you've probably gotten about all the sleep you'll get," Eagle said. Fox had taken Alex to the hospital this time so Wolf didn't have too.

"Between you and Alex, I'm surprised I get any sleep at all," Wolf muttered with a dark look, thinking about the prank that Eagle had pulled.

"Hey! It was Alex's idea, not mine, and it sounded good. I mean, come on! You would never think to look for a stimulant in your decaffeinated coffee!" Eagle burst out into a grin.

"Yeah, the coffee wasn't decaffeinated, either. And before you think I need to _focus__on__my__driving_better, remember the lecture you got from Snake about mixing Adderall and caffeine, alright?" Wolf said, now smiling at the memory.

"You know," Eagle said, reflecting as the two made their way out the door, "Alex really smiled that time. Maybe I should do pranks with him more often."

"Eagle, do you _want_ to live?" Wolf growled.

"Oh, sure," he said. "That's why it will be a good thing for Alex to start learning how to play pranks. So that I can live a little longer, you know?"

"That's assuming I let either of you live a little longer," Wolf said with a growl, but he had a smile on his face as he walked out to the car.

_We're going to keep you alive, Alex._

_Somehow, some way. _


End file.
